I was what?
by Shattered Darknesss
Summary: Don't bring this up..ever again. And I mean, never...  One shot X3


Hey, this is a one shot and i'm posting it with out it being looked at by a beta. sorry "^^ Well I hope you like this =3

~Darkeh

By the way, Bartimaeus way OOC, but you'll see why "^^

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><p>"Bartimaeus, here," a bottle with some sort of liquid was chucked at my head, "Our master wants you to check this and the other bottles for poison."<p>

I glared at the djinn who had thrown the bottle, "Well you didn't have to throw it at my head, thank you. What would have happened if I didn't catch it?"

The other djinn rolled her eyes. "I didn't think you were so stupid." She smiled showing her now pointy teeth. "Thanks for openly admitting that you are incapable of catching things, buddy."

I sighed, "Whatever Kalik, you know that's not what I meant." She smiled contently as she swung another bottle in her hands. I eyed it suspiciously, thinking she would throw yet another one at my head. "Hey aren't you going to help me anyway?"

Kalik looked at the bottle in her hands with discuss, "As if I would," She stopped swinging the bottle and tilted her head, still staring at the bottle, "I'll do it once you've tried it first."

I smirked, "Fine, I can't wait." I popped the cork off of the bottle and its strange sent came out; it smelled good, but at the same time horrid. I sighed and took a swig of it. It tasted quite well, for human crap, and well quite frankly, I wanted some more of it.

**X~X~X~X~X**

Whoa, I didn't even get a sip before it was all gone. Bartimaeus was a fool. He was sitting on the now empty crate, hiccupping. I got up and placed my bottle on the crate I was just sitting on. I walked over to him and started to shake him, "Hey Bartimaeus, you idiot, why'd you go and drink it all? You were only supposed to sip one bottle per crate, now we're in for it." I shivered. I hated our master's punishments.

"I love you." He hiccupped.

I raised an eye brow, "Excuse me?"

"I love you, crate." He got up and hugged the damn box. _Was the fool dunk?_ Bartimaeus looked at me with hazy eyes, "I love you shoe!" He took a dive for my foot. I quickly moved it out of his way.

"What's your problem Bartimaeus?"

"Shoe?" He whimpered, the idiot actually whimpered, "Shoe, don't you love me?"

"No the shoe does not love you."

I sighed as Bartimaeus turned to the door of the cellar. "Door! Oh lovely door! I love you!" He flung himself at the door and promptly hit his head on the door knob. I could barely hide my laughter. "Why do you hate me so, lovely door?" He giggled and opened it. _Oh crap, what is he going to do now?_ I quickly followed him out the door and saw him hugging and rubbing his face on our master's devil cat. The cat looked like it was going to kill him.

"Pretty Kitty Kat, I love you." That was it for me, I couldn't keep it in any longer, him mooning over the devil cat was just too funny; we both hated that thing almost as much as our master. I just had to laugh at the sight of him and the cat. I noticed that he had looked up at me and had put down that cat, which ran away as fast as its paws would take him.

"Kalik?"

I answered him, still laughing, "Yes?"

He slowly got up and walked over to me. He got right up in my face and smiled, "I love you!" He hugged me before I had a chance to get away, the sneaky bastard. I tried to push him off of me, but the dumbass had a frigging grip of iron. Seriously what was wrong with him?

"Come off it! You are really starting to piss me off!"

Bartimaeus stopped hugging me and walked out the front door. I rolled my eyes as I followed him; he was invisible on the first two planes so I thought it wouldn't get to bad for now.

"I love you pole!" I looked at the source of his voice. _He was hugging a pole now?_ I shook my head and pried him from his new 'lover'. Bartimaeus grabbed my hands and wouldn't let them go. He cocked his head to the side, "Kalik, do you love me?" I glared at him, _love him? Huh, right now I wanted to clock him in the head. _Bartimaeus blinked, "Kalik?" I sighed, if any djinn or magician saw us, we'd be screwed. I tried again, with no avail, to get my hands free. I sighed again. "Kalik can you please answer me?"

I rolled my eyes, "Fine I'll play along, but you better not try anything stupid."

His eyes lit up, "So you love me?" He dropped my hands, smiling like the idiot he was.

I raised them, "Now Bartimaeus, don't be too hasty."

He yawned and looked over at a stray cat walking on the sidewalk. "Kitty!" He ran up to the cat and scared the living crap out of it as he picked it up. "Kalik said she loved me!"

I calmly walked over to him and hit him on the head, "I said nothing of the sort, you dumbass."I sighed as he looked up at me with sad eyes, "Would you like for me to hit you again?"

"No"

I rolled my eyes. "Good, now drop the act and go back inside."

"Okay"

I looked behind myself to see if anyone or thing had seen Bratimaeus' stupidity, and to my utter annoyance our master was walking home. "Well shit"

"What is it Kally?

I hit him a second time, "don't you ever call me that again, ever."

He pouted, "Fine I won't, but you didn't have to hit me."

I glanced back at our master and Bartimaeus looked back as well. I saw his eyes light up at the sight of our master. "Oh hell no, Bartimaeus don't you dare!"

I was too late to stop him; Bartimaeus had ran up to our master and hugged him, "I love you master!"

"Get off of me you gitt!"

I came up behind the two of them and bowed, "Arthur, master, I am deeply sorry for Bartimaeus' actions, he can't think straight….."

Arthur peeled off the clingy Bartimaeus, "Explain this to me! Why is he like this?" Arthur scoffed as Bartimaeus reattached himself to him.

I sighed, "He took a liking to your drink. My apologies master, but they're all gone." I pointed to Bartimaeus, "He drank all but one bottle."

I watched as our master's face turned red with anger, "I should stipple you for that, Bartimaeus!"

"Arthur? Do you love me?"

Our master removed Bartimaeus from his person, "No you arse!" He turned to me, "Is he drunk?"

I nodded, "I believe so. Oh and don't worry about his punishment. I'll take care of it."

"Right, both will probably out live me by many years," He sighed as Bartimaeus tried to hug a blade of grass. "You are never going to let him live this down are you?"

I smiled slyly, "Oh you can be sure I won't."

**X~X The Next Morning X~X**

"Ugh, why won't the sun go die somewhere?"

I laughed, "You a little hung-over?"

Bartimaeus scoffed from under the blanket he was hiding under. "Hung-over from what?"

"From being drunk?" I laughed as Arthur walked into the room.

"You can go die too, Arthur."

Our master laughed, "I thought you loved me?"

Bartimaeus brought the blanket down from over his head, "Who told you that?"

I laughed, "You did, and you also told me that you love me, as well as a crate. Don't look at me like that. You said it, granite you were drunk, but you still said it."

He growled, "Don't ever, and I mean ever, bring this up again."

"Oh poo you know me… I'll always remind you of this for as long as we exist." I smiled, "I might even tell Faquarl as well. Who knows?" I shrugged.

"You wouldn't dare."

I laughed, "Watch me hun." I winked.

"Go screw yourself." And with that he put his head back under the blanket and didn't talk to me for the rest of the week.


End file.
